A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

Swim:
joke 1:very good qusetions and i wish someone could answer! Funny Rating:8/10

joke 2:LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! swim thats hilairious! I herby declare you a Joke God Funny Rating:10/10

wat street does a ghost live on? a dead end
why did carnage write this forum? cuz hes to lazy to right his own jokes{jk}
notice almost only guys wrote on this foum

because woman dont have any jokes and they belong in the kitchen. there X box 360 is basically a kitchen oven or stove. LMAO!!!! lol i made a sexist jokes about woman and how they belong in the kitchen JKJK

illeststilt: LOL that is all i have to say Funny Rating:7/10
cesar:
joke 1: heard it before so many times and on the one millionth time its still old Funny Rating:3/10
joke 2: shut it

Yo mama's teeth gap so big, she uses a gate for braces

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.

"Duke!" the dad yelled.

"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

"Duke! Get out of there before the boy shits on you!"

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
A Predator drone-launched Hellfire missile.
Saddam, I think it’s for you!

Yo mama's so smelly, when you were being delivered, the doctor was wearing the oxygen mask.

golf and puplic restrooms

10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.

9. Form a loose grip.

8. Keep your head down.

7. Avoid a quick backswing.

6. Stay out of the water.

5. Try not to hit anybody.

4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you.

3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others.

2. Be quiet while others are about to go.

1. Keep strokes to a minimum.

Mr. A:
joke 1: LOL!!!!!! yo mamma jokes are so funny Funny Rating: 7/10
joke 2: ROFL!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahaha Funny Rating: 10/10

joke 3: u have cool jokes mate Funny Rating: 7/10

joke 4: ouch Funny Rating: 8/10
joke 5:YO MAMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Funny Rating: 8/10
joke 6:i'll stick to thoose rules when golfing and pissing Funny Rating:9/10

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.";

Susie, still crying, said, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

Yo' mama is so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo mama's so poor, a *****roach crawled across the floor and I stepped on it and she said, ''Now what do we do for supper?''

Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook

Yo' mama so dumb, when she filled out her job application and it said ‘s e x,’ she wrote “not lately.”

Yo mama's so hairy, when you were born, you almost died of rug burn


Youve been pwned by, youve been pwned by, a joke master

i am the yo mama master.here is one from my forum

Yo mama is so fat Ben Kenobi Said Thats no moon, thats Yo Mama

Yo mama is so hairy That Chewbacca said, wow it my daughter!

im better

yo mammas so hairy the only language she speaks is wookie.
yo mammas so ugly that when she walked inside a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck
yo mammas so stupid that she had you lol
yo mammas so stupid that when she got locked inside of a grocery store she starved to death
yo mammas so ugly she turned medusa to stone

carnage ur just sayin that cuz i way cooler than u
thats why your mom's so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck
thats why ur mom is so old she gave birth to a dinosaur
ur mom is ugly she apears in freddie cougar's nightmares

they are all yo mamas? can we mix some proper jokes in now? anyway they all get this: Funny Rating: 8/10

and Mr. A's PROPER joke: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Funny Rating: 9/10

Scarecrow, the yo mama is so fat she has more chins than a hong kong telephone book, that one is in the Garfield series.

how she a model, oh and i said that

i have my steak just like my ****... very, very rare. lmao

illleststilt: i'll have to remember them when i get horrible christmas presents!!!!!! ROFL!!!! Funny Rating: 8/10
peter: same here, same here Funny Rating: 7/10

LOLLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :):):):) thats great Funny Rating: 8/10

i have no jokes :(

i got none :(:(:(:(

LOL im glad u came to the forums ur hiairious Funny Rating: 8/10

you still need at least 20 more jokes to be a joke god

i have 36 jokes on this forum

and i dont feel like counting how many Scarecrow has

KRAZY SLOTH:
joke 1: great joke but not as good as ur others Funny Rating: 6/10

joke 2: i agree but unfortunatly it dosn't Funny Rating: 7/10

lol carnage why are you up at 2:00 in the morning rating jokes? or is it a different time whereever you live

its a different time about 6:00 at night

ohhhh ok. that makes sense

more jokes plz

wat do u call a snowman in a desert

lost

Scarcrow: or a puddle and its old Funny Rating: 6/10

I NEED JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!

JOKES NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!

actually thats quite good...

Knock knock
whos there?
BP oil spill. Barack!! Someone wants to see you

Yo mama is so fat that, when she was bungee jumping, she took the whole bridge with her.


While he was rooting around in the basement, a man found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie emerged in a huge cloud of pink smoke.

"I am the all-powerful genie. I shall grant you one wish." The man thought about this, and decided that if there was one thing he couldn't get enough of, it was wine.

"I wish I could pee wine. That's my wish."

"Granted." And the genie disappeared. Later that day, the man's wife came home to find her husband naked, holding a glass.

"Why only one glass?" asked her wife.

"You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate.

Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?

Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.

Interviewer: How did you get that hook?

Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.

Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?

Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye.

Interviewer: And that put your eye out?

Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.

Once an abnormal guy went to a doctor. His abnormality was that he had three balls. He thought it to be a reproductive abnormality so he wanted to consult a doctor. But he was a little hesitant to present his situation to the doctor. So he tried to explain it to him indirectly. He said, 'Doctor ,if you combine your and my balls, then the result will be five!' The doctor was amazed to hear that. He stood up and asked the patient, 'You poor guy, have you got only one?

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. Now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work.

Of this, there are 29 million employed by the federal government.

This leaves 19 million to do the work.

Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.

There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me . . . and you're sitting there reading jokes.

Gun: great joke ur nearly good enough to become a joke god Funny Rating: 8/10
Mr. A:
joke 1: another Yo Mamma? Funny Rating: 7/10
joke 2: LMAO!!!!!!!!!! Funny Rating: 9/10
joke 3: LOLLOLOLOLOL u are the funniest guy ever Funny Rating: 8/10
joke 4: i laughed so hard i nearly wet myself Funny Rating: 9/10
joke 5: too true too true Funny Rating: 8/10
joke 6: yep u can do all the hard work and i'll stay on my computer seat and read jokes Funny Rating: 10/10

This is an anti-joke. What did the blind, dyslexic, deaf, legless little boy get for christmas? cancer.

poor guy Funny Rating:5/10

"I am a Yankees fan," a first-grade teacher explains to her class. "Who likes the Yankees?" Everyone raises a hand except one girl.
"Janie," the teacher says, surprised. "Why didn't you raise your hand?"
"I am not a Yankees fan."
"Well, if you are not a Yankees fan, then what team do you like?"
"The Red Sox," Janie answers.
"Why in the world are you a Red Sox fan?"
"Because my mom and dad are."
"That's no reason to be a Red Sox fan," the teacher replies, annoyed. "You don't always have to be just like your parents. What if you mom and dad were morons? What would you be then?"
"A Yankees fan."

No one believes seniors...everyone thinks they are senile. An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars.
Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knock on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No."
Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . "
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "What do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket: $95.00 Court Costs: $45.00 The Look on Cop's Face: PRICELESS!!!!