what do u call a great justin bieber song?

Non existant

I GOT TO 10 PAGES HELLZ YEA!!!!!!

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife came along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

where did u get that one, back of a penquin wrapper?

back of a penquin wrapper? WTF?

america dont have penquin bars?

I know....I had a 6th grade vocab in 3rd grade and even I had to look some of those words up
(reply to Peter's abc joke)

no and i've never heard of a penguin bar before.

PENGUIN BARS ARE DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

Well a blonde went up to her hotel room for the night. She woke up the next morning and couldn't find her way out. So she calls room service.

"Hello, how may I help you ma'am?"Speaks the employee.

"I can't find my way out." says the blonde.

"How many doors are in the room, ma'am?"

"There are three; one leads to the bathroom, one leads to the closet, and the last on say's Do Not Disturb"

i was just about to post that joke, just saying

lol metropal Funny-O-Meter: 8/10

Wait really? hmm, well my friend told me that one

heres a good joke: Womans Rights, BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

U SEXIST!!!!!!!!!!

but you know its funny ;)

i suppose

lol wow

where does a sheep get a haircut???at the BaaBaa shop get it???

Yes

that joke is older than me and peter combined

@stape ... i'm not going to bother

lol

haha now that Storm... gets a 10

lol

There this man who doesn't belive in god and thinks he will never ever belive in him. In fact he is such an atheist that he travels the world telling everybody why god doesn't exist, and rights several books on the same concept. One day he is walking through a forest when a huge bear comes chargeing out of the trees towards him. He runs into a small cave in an attempt to escape, but finds a dead. He turns round and sees the bear lumbering towards him. He screams "OH PLEASE GOD HELP ME HELP ME PLEASE GOD I DON'T WANT TO DIE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He closes his eyes and the bear prepares to jump... Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light and the man opens his eyes. The bear has stopped moving and it seems that time has stopped. A booming voice echos around the cave. "You have spent your whole life critisising me and telling everyone i don't exist. So why is it that in your final moments you turn to christianity just to save your life? Why should i let you live?" The man thinks about this for a moment and says "OK then, why don't you turn the bear into a christian?" God thinks for a second and says "Very well" There is another blinding flash and the bear kneels down, clasps its paws together and says "Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to recive"

haha nice. 9/10

i have just read thru this entire forum and it is amazing!!!

mainly because of me and dan

Well I heard this joke from a friend: There was a Chinese man he wanted to hear the echo of his voice he said: that the approach Vnczykan Tu CJ then said echo what ?
not good ha ?

Q: how do u get 7 spaztics in a 6 seater car?






A: 3 in the front 3 in the back and one on the roof going "NE NAW NE NAW NE NAW!"


A spaz walks up to an ice cream truck and asks "can i have an ice cream?" and the ice cream man replies "can i have an ice cream what?" and the spaz goes "can i have an ice cream?" so the driver says ok lets swap positions, you be the ice cream man and i'll be the customer" so they swap positions. the ice cream man asks "can i have an ice cream please" and the spaz goes "no you didn't fu.cking give me one"

Me: thats awesome!!!!!!!!!!!! 10/10. (god, i'm modest)

O.K. I haven't read the whole fourm yet so tell me if this has been told yet. These are my nun jokes.
1.Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.


2.A mother superior called 3 nuns and asked them to do a sin or something wrong

Then a little later, one came back and was crying

"Why? What did you do?" asked the mother superior

"I picked flowers in the garden."

"Ok your sins are forgiven, go drink the holy water."

The nun did as told, then another nun came, she was also crying

"Why? What did you do?"

"I stole a candy from a kid"

"Ok your sins are forgiven, go drink the holy water."

She also did as told...

Then the last nun came, but she was roaring with laughter

"Why? What did you do?" asked the mother superior sternly

"I peed in the holy water" came the reply


3.Three nuns on a train had been getting to know one another and decided to tell each other what their greatest sins were.

The first nun says, "My greatest sin is ****. Every year I go out for a week and work as a prostitute. Of course, I put all the money I earn into the poor box."

The second nun says, "My greatest sin is drinking. Every year I take the money from the poor box and go out drinking for a solid week."

The third just sits there quietly.

So the first nun says to her, "Come on, we've told you our worst sins. Now you have to tell us yours."

The third nun says, "My greatest sin is that I gossip, and I can't wait to get off this train!"


4.One day three nuns are riding their bikes around the front of the church. The head nun comes out and says, "5 more minutes girls!" "Weeee!" the nuns cry. 5 minutes later the head nun comes out again. "Tea time!" she yells. "Weeeee!" The nuns are having the time of their lives. Another five minutes passes and now the head nun is ****** off. She storms out and yells, "That's it! If you three don't come in right now, I'm gonna put the seats back on those bikes!"


5.There were 100 nuns in a nunnery and a head nun. one day the head nun said I've done a room check and 99 rooms were perfect except 1. in that 1 room I found a pair of boxer shorts. 99 nuns went agrhhh and 1 nun went hehehe.

The head nun carried on and in those boxer shorts I found a condom. 99 nuns went agrhhhh and 1 nun went hehehe. Hhe head nun then said 'and in that condom i found a hole' and 99 nuns went hehehe and 1 nun went aggrrrrrhhhhhhhh!!!!!


6.Three guys were at a football game. It just so happens that they were all diehard football fans. They finally found a seat good enough for them. But there was just one problem with the so called "perfect seats." Three nuns were in front of them blocking their veiw.

The guys wanted them to move so one said, loud enough for the nuns to hear, "Hey I think I'll move to Idaho. There are only 100 Catholics there."

The second one said, "No I'm gonna move to Montana. There are only 50 Catholics living there."

Then the third guy said, "You two are both wrong. We should move to Wisconsin. There are only 25 Catholics there."

Then one of the nuns turns around and said, "Hey why don't you go to hell... there aren't any Catholics there!"


6.There is man sitting in a bar who is really, really drunk. When the bar closes he gets up to go home.

He stumbles and falls couple of times and finally manages to get out of he door. As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by. He stumbles over to her and starts punching her in the face.

The nun is shocked beyond belief, but before she could say anything, he leans over and punches her again. This time the nun hits the pavement. The drunk stumbles over to her, kicks her in the butt, picks her up and throws her against the wall.

By now the nun is very weak and can barely move. He leans over her, grabbing her by the collar of her habit and says, "Not feeling too strong tonight, are you, Batman!"


7.What's black and white and tells the pope to SCREW OFF?

A nun that's just won the lottery.


8.Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf.

The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "S***, I missed." The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. "S***, I missed." "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly.

The priest promised to do better and the round continued.On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed. Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."

On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "S***, I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.

And from the sky comes a booming voice ....... "S***, I missed."


9.Upon visiting her new first grade class, the head nun asked her wide-eyed students, "Children, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"I want to be a doctor!" squealed a boy.

"I want to be a nurse!" squeaked a girl.

"I want to be a prostitute!" replied another girl.

Upon hearing this, the nun fainted and fell flat on the floor. A few minutes later, after being awoken by a splash of cold water, asked, "Tell me, child, what did you say you wanted to be?"

"A prostitute!" she answered.

"Oh, thank goodness" sighed the nun, "I thought you said Protestant."


10.Once there was three nuns. Now they were so good to God he showed himself to them. "You have been so good to me that I'm going to do you a favor. Jump off that cliff and name any animal and you will turn into that animal." The nuns all shouted with joy.

The first one jumped off and said "Butterfly!" So she turned into one. The second one jumped off and said "Swan!" So she turned into one. The third one was running when she tripped and said "Oh s***!"

11. Last joke. It's a clown joke. Two cannibals are eating a clown and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does something taste funny to you." that never gets old hahaha

I know it's alot but they're funny so do not skip them.

All jokes are good, except for the last. Funny-O-Meter: 10/10

Jesus, Moses, and an old man were playin golf one day. Moses shot first. He hit the ball left into the pond, so he parted the water to get it back.
Jesus was next, he hit right to the green and in for a hole in one. He then said, "Its all from my father".
The old man was last. He hit the ball towards the pond when before it went in the water, a frog snatched the ball into his mouth. A bird then picked up frog and flew off. A hunter then shot the bird while it flew over the green. The bird dropped the frog onto the green and the frog opened his mouth, the ball rolled out and into the hole for a hole in one.
Jesus turned to the old man and said,"Dad, stop showing off".

that's pretty funny 7.5/10

do you get the clown joke if not because clowns are funny i will show you a picture of it on my avatar. so just wait. by the way thnx 4 the rating.

I get it but its not funny.

these are the most epic jokes i have ever seen!

Two Irish men walk out of a bar......
It could happen.

Lol.

The American owner of Dell wanted to impress to Chinese owner of Dell so he hired some Pros.titutes and sent them to a hotel room with the Chineses owner of Dell. After he goes to check how their getting on. All he can hear is "ning chon ho". "Thatsounds good he says". Later while playing golf the the Chinese owner of Dell hits a shot and then says "ning chon ho". The American owener asks what it means. Wrong hole replies the Chinese owner.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

If a blonde and a brunette jump of a cliff, who will reach the bottom first?

The brunette. The blonde will ask for directions.

Ok well, theres a story to this joke. I have this 'friend' whos a total **** hole. He wines all the time, complains at the smallest stuff like standing up, and hes lazy. So I went to his pool, mainly cause his sisters a busty, and his swimshorts fall down around his **** all the time. So everytime it happens his hardcore nazi dad says "Jay, pull up your pants I can see your bootcrak."
So when we went to a male only camp 'together' there where female lifeguards, I couldn't help but flirt. So he came up to me and kept talking while I was flirting. So I got all piss off at him, so I said. "JJ pull up your pants I can see you *******."
Lame but you had to be there.

Pretty good. Funny-O-Meter: 7/10

Mr. T, jesus and an old man are at the lake. Jesus walks out to the middle of the lake and stops. Mr. T walks to the middle of the lake and stops. The old man tries walking into the lake but drowns."Shame" Jesus said. "We should have told him about the rocks that we stand on."
"What rocks?" Mr T replied.

Lol. Funny-O-Meter: 9/10

I miss this forum

So do I, Dan, so do I.

what do u get from a rhino and elephant? elephino hahaha!